dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
