I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize