Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
