Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
