It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
