Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
