He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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