there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
