I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
