8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
