walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Randomize
