So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
