I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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