You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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