well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
