it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
