i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
