I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
