somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
