I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I will be naked everywhere
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
