I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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