omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
