i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
