She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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