pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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