I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
