May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
