SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
