I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
