I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
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