i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
