Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
if only i could text you this smell
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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