apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
