I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Randomize
