You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
