Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
