I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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