guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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