Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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