mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
