the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
