Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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