Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
