I hate your face
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
