Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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