they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
