He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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