Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
