You work out of a Hotel?
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
