So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
