she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
