I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
