Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
