I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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