Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
She bit a glass in half.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
