im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
