You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
