I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
