My girlfriend figured out who you are.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
