its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize