i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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