That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
