Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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