Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
