We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
