does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
