Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
my shit smells like andre
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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