So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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