If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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